I was watching the show Little Big Shots tonight and a little girl sang a song from Disney’s Little Mermaid. I loved listening to this beautiful three year old and tears just rolled down my cheeks. She reminded me of my daughter, Brandi. On the rides to and from her daycare, Brandi would ask, “Mom, please play the Titanic song.” Then she would belt out the lyrics to My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion. As I drove, I would glance at Brandi in my rearview mirror and see how happy this song made her as she sang. I remember just smiling and listening to her voice.
What a wonderful memory for me, normally. Today this memory made me sad as I desperately missed my beautiful little girl. The rain and gloom of the day may have been a factor into my emotional state. My heart ached as I watched the television and those tears fell down my cheeks. It is in moments like those that I stop and talk to my daughter. “Sweetie, I miss you so much. I wish I could hear you sing again and just hold you. Your Mommy loves you!” My husband, Todd, sees me crying and pulls a handkerchief from his pocket and places it in my hand. I dry my eyes and he takes my hand and holds it in his. We don’t exchange words but I feel Todd’s love and support as he lightly squeezes my hand.
I am so grateful that these days are fewer as time passes. But even after almost 19 years, those moments of sadness and grief do not hurt any less. I think I just move through those stages a little quicker and find the joy that my children gave me and hold tight to that love.